I'm not a huge fan of "looking back on my life". It doesn't seem to get me anywhere. Lately, however, life has almost been forcing me to remember things. And now this should be the point where I discuss those things that I'm remembering. I can't. It wouldn't make sense. ...
It's been years and I'll still deprive myself of sleep for you. I don't think anyone would understand And I don't expect them to But I still love you I always will ...
You have no idea how petrified I am at the thought of losing you. I might as well have already lost you. Because it's inevitable. And I didn't matter that much anyways. ...
People will leave you. It's not up to others to make you feel whole. It's no one's responsibility but your own to make yourself happy. I've had people walk in out of my life like crazy. The difference? I will never let the entirety of my being rest on the shoulders of one specific person or group of people. The only person you...
When I feel things, I feel them with the entirety of my being. If I don't want to do something, I won't do it. Especially if that something has no value to me. I'm true to myself always. I see both sides to every situation, so it's hard for me to choose sometimes. But when I do choose, my mind's made up for...
It scares me that I didn't miss you today. It scares me even more that today was one of the happiest days I've had all year. Coincidence? ...
I keep asking God to give me answers. Or even give me the right questions to ask. I know the universe is answering my questions. It's just being so cryptic that I can't figure out what it's saying. Because right now I'm stumbling through life with the persistent feeling of numbness surrounding me. And it's sort of exhausting. I don't feel things like...
Obviously it's not going to work out right now, But maybe sometime in the future. Because I've never met anyone like you. And I pray to God that high school doesn't change you, Because you're perfect right now. You're so much younger, But I find myself wishing that every guy I meet turns out like you. I don't have to be anyone but...
Even in the midst of all the chaos inside my head, Even though this year is turning out to be nothing like I planned, Even when I feel like I'm breaking, Life continues around me. I can curse the world around me all I want, but the fact of the matter is, I can't stop what's going to happen. Life keeps bringing me...
I feel like I'm going to implode. My chest is going to cave in and I will cease to exist. I just feel so angry all the time and I don't know why. Little things push me to the brink of tears. What am I doing here? I don't belong here any more. Whenever I walk into school, I feel like I'm suffocating....
I'm tired of fixing it. If you want me here, you fix it. ...
I can't do this anymore. I'm done with the fantasies, And the lies I tell myself to justify the way I let you treat me. I'm done caring about a person who doesn't care about me. Because it doesn't matter how many times you say it if it's not true. I'm done with the disappointments. I'm done with the jealousy. I'm not mad,...
I like looking at people. I mean really looking at them. I see how they interact with others. I watch them laugh. I know there's something more to who they are then what they're showing. People are intriguing creatures. There are certain people that I would love to just sit down and talk to. Maybe then I could understand why they didn't laugh...
Have you ever driven just to drive? Just to spend some time with yourself ? I have. It's where I do my best thinking. You know, You can drive down the same road a million times and feel something different every time. It's a simple and obvious thought, but it's something I've never thought about until now. The roads we drive with our...
Here are some artistic flowers. Take it all in... ;) ...
And I don't think you understand what it's like to walk into school everyday knowing you're going to get rejected by the person you want so badly to want you. And I don't think you understand what it's like to know you have to get someone out of your head because they just don't belong there. And I don't think you understand that...
Probably one of my biggest flaws is not being able to force myself to care when I don't. Right now I just don't. fucking. care. Here's a cat. ...
To sum it all up, senior year sucks. This routine has crossed the line from boring into redundant. It feels like there are screams building up in my chest when I have to sit through certain classes. If I could have left yesterday, I would have. They say that you shouldn't wish your senior away, But I wasn't raised to have to ask...
I really love this a lot. I really love this a lot. ...
Senior year. Everything that has mattered up until now is almost done mattering. Does that make sense? The parties you didn't go to, the trends you didn't follow, the people you didn't talk to, None of it will matter in a year. We'll be gone. The walls of Hayes High School won't recognize us any more. That won't be our place any more....
We sat in your living room for four hours and did nothing. We ate Chipotle and laughed. We watched "How it's Made" and in between the makings of a Pontoon boat and a grandfather clock I re-realized how important you are to me. With your head on my hip bone and our legs intertwined, I can't help but think this is how it...
I'm no one's number one, no one's one and only. I have a lot of friends, and people who care about me, but no one thinks of me first. And maybe that's okay because that's a lot of responsibility, to be someone's number one. Just don't forget me. Because one day you'll need me to make you my one and only, my first...
There's this voice in my head that never shuts up. It says, "Go out and do good!" It also rambles on about how lucky I am, and how I should use that to help other people. I'm here for a reason, but I don't have an extraordinary story of failure, or loss, or sadness, or strength that I can tell people. I'm here...
I get mad a lot. More accurately, I get jealous. And it's so silly because you aren't even mine. I suppose that's never mattered, though. It doesn't matter that I get mad and write stupid, ranting blog posts. It doesn't matter that I cry when I see pictures of you and her together on Facebook. It doesn't even make a difference that you...
So this is what it feels like to be loved? This is what it feels like to be surrounded by people that love you? This is how it feels to trust that I can pick up my phone at any time during the day and call/text someone and know that they'll be there for me? This is what it's like to actually know...
People don't do things for themselves anymore. Everything anyone does is for someone else to notice, Or ignore, Or appreciate. They do things for colleges to see, for potential employers to look on kindly, for people they hate to be jealous. And I think that's sad. People don't do things for themselves anymore. Everything anyone does is for someone else to notice, Or...
And then days like today happen... And it seems like you did everything possible to prove everything I wrote on here yesterday completely and utterly wrong. ...
I want to scream. I want to walk outside, stand under the great blue sky, and scream until my lungs collapse. I want the leaves on the trees to shudder at the sound of my voice, reaching out in frustration. The pictures and posts on Facebook, the smile on your face when you're texting in class, I see it all. And I'd be...
My horoscope gave me my daily dose of wisdom for today. It reads, "Sometimes trying to hard in a relationship is just as bad as not trying hard enough." While I see where you're coming from, oh wise and all-knowing daily horoscope app, I can't bring myself to believe that you are completely correct on this one. ...
There are things that you do that bug the shit out of me. For example, looking straight at me, then walking right past me without any acknowledgement. I just don't understand that. Sometimes, I just want to grab you by the face and say, "Hey. I'm the girl that takes all your shit when I really don't have to, and you're being a...
I just need to find someone else. Anybody else. ...
As much as I love you, I sometimes feel like I don't want you around. I have an overwhelming need to build up walls in an attempt to keep you out. I know, It's annoying. And sometimes I have an attitude problem. I get scared because I know I'm a mental case, and you really don't have to stick around. But I know...
I'm ready to leave now. I need to get out of here. I want to meet new people. I'm tired of the same damn people with the same damn stories. Everyone is so predictable. This town is starting to feel mediocre. And this feeling... It kind of hit me all at once. I realized, Sixteen years is a hell of a long time...
So... If you're still reading this, This pretty much sums it up. When I meet someone that changes my life for the better, Someone that gets through to me and makes me care more than I should, I fight to keep them in my life. I automatically hate anyone or anything my simple mind perceives as a threat. So I'm sorry if that...
I don't think a truer statement has ever been said. Everyone's always so sad. Or mad. Or confused. Or "broken". Can't we go back to before? ...
How do you justify someone dying at such a young age? How do you say, "it's in God's plan" like God just decided to take his life away? I don't know how it works, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't work that way. People made dumb decisions, and they had fatal consequences. I didn't know this guy. It still scares me, though. ...
There's a reason you're in my life. Sometimes it feels like you do all you can to break me. Other times you build me up so high, it's hard to see the ground. I don't think anyone really understands, either. They see us and think, "Eh, whatever." But it's more than that. It's late night text messages, inside jokes, and mini-meltdowns. It's stupid...
Fuck society and their idea of "beauty". I want to hold a mirror up to the world and show them that, yes everyone has flaws, but everyone is also a magnificent piece of art. I can't stand the hate the people have for their bodies. I wear a size 18, my arms are flubby, and my tummy will never be flat. Who the...
I don't know much about life, But I know you can't sit still. Keep moving, Don't stop, Don't settle. It's gets better from here. ...
I never stopped thinking about you.You made me who I am.I will never forget that. I never stopped thinking about you.You made me who I am.I will never forget that. ...
A few days ago I talked to a person I thought I'd lost forever.He opened up.He told me what's going on in his life.He's depressed,Sees things that aren't there,And can never focus.We were talking like we used to,But I can tell he's a different person.He's full of hurt.Maybe he always has been...The only thing I'm sure of is that when we were talking,I...
Especially when I'm the one who made you smile.Which is often.I don't understand.I just don't.Why am I always last?Why can't I mean anything to you??Do you even see what you do to me?!?I've told you a thousand times:I'm jealous.I'm scared.I don't want to lose you.I just want to be a part of your life.I care about you.And you lie.You always lie.You say you...
I want to do all of these things with you,For you,To you.But you already have someone to them with.You always have someone else. I want to do all of these things with you,For you,To you.But you already have someone to them with.You always have someone else. ...
I'm happy.My life is wonderful.I have people who love me, and I love myself.But there's still a part of me that hurts.Sometimes it feels like my heart is ripping right down the middle, each side being pulled in a different direction.People love me, Still I get left out.I'm not good enough.I've pushed people away so muchthere's no one left to fight for me.No...
