I can't do this anymore.
I'm done with the fantasies,
And the lies I tell myself to justify the way I let you treat me.
I'm done caring about a person who doesn't care about me.
Because it doesn't matter how many times you say it if it's not true.
I'm done with the disappointments.
I'm done with the jealousy.
I'm not mad, either.
Because there's a point where you have to rise above it and remember what you deserve.
I don't deserve to be forgotten, or to be left out, or to be disrespected,
So I'll just become what you've always wanted.
I won't ask to hang out.
I won't tell you about my life,
And I won't ask about yours.
I'll care about you less and less everyday.
Does that scare you?
It should.
I like looking at people.
I mean really looking at them.
I see how they interact with others.
I watch them laugh.
I know there's something more to who they are then what they're showing.
People are intriguing creatures.
There are certain people that I would love to just sit down and talk to.
Maybe then I could understand why they didn't laugh at certain joke, why they said what they said or why, somedays, they just look so sad.
Just to spend some time with yourself ?
I have.
It's where I do my best thinking.
You know,
You can drive down the same road a million times and feel something different every time.
It's a simple and obvious thought,
but it's something I've never thought about until now.
The roads we drive with our minds on autopilot have seen us in every one of our emotional states.
And our emotions waver and bodies grow and the paths we take to get everywhere we go never change.
I was driving down Central Ave. having this thought the other night and it was like I was suddenly ripped back to the past.
To the moment when my head was on your lap and my parents were driving us home, and I looked up out of the back window.
I saw the street lights and the same signs.
I felt the hills and curves.
And even though this happened four years ago, and we've morphed into different people, those lights and those curves are still the same.
I like to drive and think about the houses I pass and how close I am to the people inside.
I'm probably no more than fifty yards away from the people that live there.
But I don't know them, and they don't know me.
They probably don't care to, either, considering my car and I are just a source of noise pollution to them and their family.
It's still interesting to think about, though.
I could be 20 yards away from the saddest moment in their life.
Or the happiest.
I guess it's an example of how intertwined the human race is without even realizing it.
I passed a church when I was driving the other night.
It was small, and I had passed it thousands of times before.
To me, it was insignificant.
Or at least it was until I thought about it.
Someone has found God there.
Inside that building, someone has been changed forever.
And after that, that tiny church wasn't so insignificant to me.
So I guess I'll just leave you with that. ♥
Here are some artistic flowers.
Take it all in... ;)
And I don't think you understand what it's like to know you have to get someone out of your head because they just don't belong there.
And I don't think you understand that I've done everything I can to not think about you, to just stop caring.
And I don't think you understand how fragile these things have made my emotions.
So, in essence, I know I'm crazy.
But if you dealt with this,
Your nerves would be shot, too.
