Unpredictable Outbursts of A Human Being: March 2015

Night Changes

2:52 PM

It's been two years since I've posted anything here on my little corner of the internet.

I created this space the summer before my freshman year in high school.

When I tell you, dear reader, that this blog was my lifeline, please do not take it lightly.

It was my home on a screen for four years (four incredibly crucial years for my psychological development, nevertheless) and I feel sad for abandoning it for so long,

But I'm so happy I did.

You see, the last posts on this page are filled with so much teenage angst and longing that I could almost vomit, but after rereading the 124 posts previously uploaded, I've realized that I have grown and changed into a person that is so much more than what I ever could have imagined.

When I was a junior in high school I remember standing in my dad's garage and telling him how I wanted to leave, how I couldn't feel anything in this place anymore and I hated it and I wanted out.

The next thing he told me has been my saving Grace for the last three years,

"It's not a problem with the place, its a problem with you."

At that point I was thinking, "ugh parents just don't understand anything my life is so hard blah blah blah"

And it took until about a year ago to realize just how right he was.

I remember it very clearly. I was sitting in my college physics class in the middle of the worst semester I have ever faced scribbling down all the reasons why I hated my life instead of listening to my professor. I was on my seventh (yes, seventh) piece of loose-leaf paper writing down some bullshit about how none of this means anything, when I realized that I actually was the problem.

The only thing keeping me from being happy was myself.

I was a natural born helper forcing myself to care about numbers and calculations and things that make me physically cringe when I think about them now.

A week later I officially changed my major to social work.

And now, sitting here, after having moved out and making it on my own for a whole six months (wow so impressive) I can say that I'm exactly where I need to be.

I find new things to feel every day.

And it's so beautiful and so terrifying.

And life is wonderful.

Welcome!

Hello there. My name is Alison. Welcome to my corner of the internet! I'm a college student studying social work at Ohio State University while working full time. I've been writing here off and on for about six years now. The stuff I post here is mainly for myself, so I can look back and see how much has changed throughout the years. I can't promise you much if you've just happened across this page by accident, but I can tell you that I enjoy posting here and I try to be as honest as possible. Happy reading!

Chicago

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