I created this space the summer before my freshman year in high school.

When I tell you, dear reader, that this blog was my lifeline, please do not take it lightly. 

It was my home on a screen for four years (four incredibly crucial years for my psychological development, nevertheless) and I feel sad for abandoning it for so long, 

But I'm so happy I did.

You see, the last posts on this page are filled with so much teenage angst and longing that I could almost vomit, but after rereading the 124 posts previously uploaded, I've realized that I have grown and changed into a person that is so much more than what I ever could have imagined. 

When I was a junior in high school I remember standing in my dad's garage and telling him how I wanted to leave, how I couldn't feel anything in this place anymore and I hated it and I wanted out. 

The next thing he told me has been my saving Grace for the last three years,

"It's not a problem with the place, its a problem with you."

At that point I was thinking, "ugh parents just don't understand anything my life is so hard blah blah blah"

And it took until about a year ago to realize just how right he was. 

I remember it very clearly. I was sitting in my college physics class in the middle of the worst semester I have ever faced scribbling down all the reasons why I hated my life instead of listening to my professor. I was on my seventh (yes, seventh) piece of loose-leaf paper writing down some bullshit about how none of this means anything, when I realized that I actually was the problem. 

The only thing keeping me from being happy was myself. 

I was a natural born helper forcing myself to care about numbers and calculations and things that make me physically cringe when I think about them now.

A week later I officially changed my major to social work. 

And now, sitting here, after having moved out and making it on my own for a whole six months (wow so impressive) I can say that I'm exactly where I need to be. 

I find new things to feel every day.

And it's so beautiful and so terrifying.

And life is wonderful.