I keep asking God to give me answers.
Or even give me the right questions to ask.

I know the universe is answering my questions.
It's just being so cryptic that I can't figure out what it's saying.

Because right now I'm stumbling through life with the persistent feeling of numbness surrounding me.
And it's sort of exhausting.
I don't feel things like I used to.
I can only feel the choices I'm making box me in so tightly I can't fight my way out.
And it physically hurts me to walk through those doors every day.
What the hell happened?
I used to be so happy, vibrant.
I think I'm just burnt out.
Nothing has changed in my life for a long time, and I know a huge change is just around the corner.
So right now I'm in a rut.
And it's obvious to the people around me.
And for that I apologize.

Obviously it's not going to work out right now,
But maybe sometime in the future.
Because I've never met anyone like you.
And I pray to God that high school doesn't change you,
Because you're perfect right now.
You're so much younger,
But I find myself wishing that every guy I meet turns out like you.
I don't have to be anyone but who I am when I'm around you.
We can talk for hours and nothing feels forced.
You actually care what I have to say.
You actually care about everyone.
Please, don't ever change.

I feel like I'm going to implode.
My chest is going to cave in and I will cease to exist.
I just feel so angry all the time and I don't know why.
Little things push me to the brink of tears.
What am I doing here?
I don't belong here any more.
Whenever I walk into school, I feel like I'm suffocating.
Everyone's so fake.
No one knows who they really are so they try to be everything they really aren't.
And I can't stand it.
Because I know who I am, and I'm better than this place.
I don't have to change myself to fit in, so watching everyone trying to find a solution to an undefined problem is killing me.
Stop trying to impress people you don't like by doing things you don't like to do!
Or at least get out of my way when your going about doing your stupid things.
You don't want help, so I won't help you.
I can't handle this.
Every second of my day is planned.
No new people.
No new situations.
It's like I'm being forced to be an automaton.
I'm forced to go on autopilot because if I actually start thinking about where I am right now,
I will have a break down.