I started a post a couple days ago intending to reflect on 2015. I try very hard to not be the type of person who gives into the philosophy of "new year, new me" because I know that as humans we reserve the right to change ourselves whenever we feel like it. But with everyone posting about their new year's resolutions, it's hard not to think about how I want to change in 2016.

I haven't kept it a secret that I pushed my limits in 2015.  While most of it was intentional, like working full time while keeping up with school, a lot of my struggle came from my inability to say no. By nature I am a giver. I will take less in order to give others more, and that's something I normally pride myself on.

"Alison, will you take this shift?"
"Alison, I really don't want to do this, can you do it?"
"Alison, I know you just worked for 24 hours straight but can you drive? I just don't feel like it."

Yes. Yes. Yes.

The thing is, when I'm going non-stop all the time, saying yes to one more small task seems like absolutely nothing. It's not that big of a deal to pick up an extra few hours when I'm already working 60. It's when life starts to slow down that I realize that all those little yeses add up to a huge chunk of time that I can't get back. It's when I collapse in bed and sleep for 16 hours straight that I begin to understand that the little yeses are taking up my life.

Now, for 2016, I'm learning how to say no.

I'm learning how to create a balance in my life so that I can make room for the big yeses. Instead of having small tasks running my life, I want to have time to relish in the big moments I make for myself. I made time in 2015 for going to Chicago, going on a mission trip to Haiti, and taking a roadtrip to Myrtle Beach with my best friend. Those were big yeses. Those, along with concerts, first (and last) dates, and hotel stay-cations, are the moments I want my life to be continuously filled with.

I will never stop being a hard worker. I plan to continue my journey of working full-time and going to school, because for the most part I enjoy my job and my classes. It's all the little things that I don't have to do, but do because I can't say no, that need to change. There are a lot of lessons I can take from last year, but most of all I learned that I can't expect to give all of myself away and still feel whole.

As always, thank you for reading, whoever you are.
Here's to new years, and new changes!
xx