Hair dye?
Yes.
It's sitting right next to me.
My hair is still it's putrid color of ickyness.
But I have acquired the dye to change that.
It's step number one in my master plan to becoming a better me.

Well, actually, it's a step towards step number one...
You understand.
:)

Where are you?
I know where I am.
Jittery, fidgety, anxiously sitting. Here.
Thinking about you,
The reason I am who I am.
Then remembering that I have him,
The reason I'm still chasing after the person I can be.

And I'm stuck in between.
Because I miss you,
And I want him.

Because I want to cling to what I am,
When it's best to grow into the person I have the potential to become.

Truth?
I'm scared.
I'm scared to trust him like I trusted you.
Because he could leave just as easily as you did.

Because I could fuck everything up again.
I could become that girl with the fake smile,
wounded,
& cracked.
I was the girl who watched every word for the fear of being completely broken.

I was.
Was is the key word.
And if one thing's for sure,
I don't want to go back....

Focus, focus, focu.....fkljsgbdflkbvasdklfjb.
My mind is an avid protester of all things that could be even remotely productive to my life right now.
Bad? Yes, very.
Do I care?
Nope.
Not in the least.
I know.
That's horrible, awful, dreadful.
I can hear my mom now, "Alison! You could get straight A's if you tried!!"
I know.
I could.
Easily.
But I'm stuck in this naive teenager mind that can't seem to grasp the concept that grades DO matter.
I can't change my mind.
I'm too stubborn to even listen to myself.


Change of subject.
I want to dye my hair.
I want to dye it a reddish color.
Right now, it's kinda streaky goldish nasty looking brown.
I want to change that.
I feel like Thursday would be a good day to dye it.
I hate Thursdays, they're pointless.
If I dyed my hair on a Thursday, maybe it wouldn't be so dreadful.
People wouldn't expect it.
I think I just need some change...
I'm stuck in a heap of blah.
I need to dye my hair.
I can see it and it's ugly.
If I can convince my mom to help me...
If I can convinve my mom to buy the hair dye.
I'm really not sure why my has resorted to mush right now.
My horoscope said that tomorrow I'm going to be full of philisophical insight and such.
... It'll be tomorrow in ten minutes...
If I get hit with philisophical insight in ten minutes... I will be very happy.
But I doubt it.
I really don't know what's going on with me right now.
I've started almost every sentence with "I"
Predictable...
I hate it.
No one really should have read this far.
hkbaslkdfdifocbdnaoisdfycasdhbxjalsvasdhfcasdfcv
^^^
That's my brain.
I can't focus...
!!!!
what am I supposed to be doing?

Hey!
Do you remember me?
Oh... well,
My name's Alison.
I've got those big bright blue eyes that you used to call beautiful.
I've got that sense of humor that always made you laugh.
I've got that emotion that used to drive you crazy...
What was it, again?
Maybe love?
Yea, love.
*smirks*

You still don't remember?
You don't remember spending hours on the phone,
Talking about nothing,
Still somehow saying everything?
You have to recall all the times I cried for you, because of you.
How about all the times you made me laugh,
smile,
blush,
think outside the box.

Should I remind you of all the times I didn't give up?
All the times I forgave you, even when I didn't want to.
Maybe you can remember the silences.
Never awkward. Never meaningless.
Do you remember sitting in your basement, talking about everything under the sun?
Nothing?
Not one single memory?
Don't you recognize the girl that was always there for you?
Doesn't my voice ring a bell?
That's what I was afraid of.


So,
I guess I'll let you go.
But you have to know,
And if you don't remember anything else,
I'm still here.
I'm still the girl you stood in the lunch line with everyday.
I'm still the girl that could always make you laugh.
I'm still the girl sitting on the picnic table asking you to love her.
And I'll always be right here.
Even if you don't remember...
I do.

With all the love in the world,
I'm wishing you the best of luck.

Dueces ♥

It's 11:23
I'm still awake
And I'm thinking about you.


You're not what I expected, to say the least.
You didn't get mad when I yelled.
You just gave me space.
I like you.
I really like you.
And it scares me.


As soon as I admit that to myself,
I set up 1,002 opportunities for myself to get hurt,
553 ways I can lose control,
150 reasons to worry everyday,
7 more girls to be jealous of,
and 1 situation in which I get my heart broken.

Maybe it's worth it. ♥

Dear A. P. U. S. H.
I hate you.
You cram so much useless knowledge in my head.
The truth of the matter is,
The guys that run our country don't do a whole lot.
They tell other people what to do,
Then take the shit when those people do it wrong.
Hell of job, right?
Give me an essay to write about how much America sucks vs. how much it rocks,
I will get an A PLUS!!!
You know the term right?
A PLUS??
Sounds kind of like APUSH,
only no one in that class can achieve an A plus.
Because no one in their right mind wants to spend their life assessing and interpreting every shit some dead white guy shat in an attempt to make sense of history.
I just don't care.
Sincerely,
Alison :)

Two.Dos.Deux.Second.
What do these things have in common?
There's always one thing before them.
One.Uno.Un.First.

Fact of life:
First always comes before second.
She always comes before me.


The worst part?
You don't even realize it kills me.

Sometimes a good ol' blog/ranting is just what a girl needs to prepare herself to write an amazing history essay.
I'm hoping this will do the trick.
Because my creative juices are definitely not flowing right now.
And I really don't care about John Adams.
I suppose I should care about him though,
He is one of the founders of this great country.
(I use the term "great" loosely.) ;)


I hate it when people don't text me back.
Especially when I'm being nice.
Does it bother you that I tell you you're amazing?
If it does, I'm sooo sorry.
That was sarcasm.
I'm not sorry.
I'm an impulsive person.
And I just had the urge to tell you,
you're amazing.



Yeah...
I can't think of anything else to say.
I just don't want to write my essay.
I could just blow it off,
but you know how that goes =/
whatever.
Dueces ♥

Funny.
When I imagined you leaving,
I imagined my self kicking and screaming.
But now that you're gone, I'm happier then ever.
Strange right?


Maybe not.
You treated me like the dirt beneath your feet.
It was only a matter of time I suppose.
I couldn't control my emotions,
and you couldn't control your actions.


All in all,
Our friendship amounted to nothing.


Thanks for wasting my time.
With love,
Alison T. Humphreys.

I'm falling for you.
.... Scratch that.
I've already fallen for you.
The way you;
look at me,
hug me,
tease me,
it drives my me wild.

We're so close to being exactly where I want us to be.
Two steps away from from stumbling into an insane happiness neither of us could have ever dreamed of.
Two steps from undoing the past year that we've spent on people who only wasted our precious time.
Just two steps.


So you can make a step towards me, and I'll return the favor.
Because I can't stand in this "in between" forever.

:)