When I think about having a conversation with you, I almost hyperventilate.
But honestly, a hug from you right now would feel like heaven.

I don't know where to start.
I think I messed up,
But I'm not entirely sure.

It's been almost a month.
Did I hurt you?
Did I have enough power to hurt you so badly that you could just forget me?
I'm sorry, okay?
I didn't know that.
I don't even know why I said what I said...
I was scared.
I self-destruct all of my relationships.
I don't know why.
I don't know why I do half the things I do.
Okay?
This is driving me insane!
Where are you?
Do I need to reach out to you?
I don't know what's going on.

I feel completely numb.
I don't know what to do.
Like a dear caught in the headlights...
I don't want to make the wrong decision.

Does it hurt you when you see me?
Do you feel anything at all?
I catch you looking at me...
What is that?
Why?
I never meant to hurt you.
I'm sorry.
I couldn't say that enough if I tried.
Not sorry for what I said...
I'm sorry for hurting you.
I swear.
I never meant to hurt you.

I feel like I'm breaking.
I'm becoming the girl I said I never would become again.
The smile, the laugh,
THEY AREN'T REAL!
Why don't you see that?
Why do you have such an impact on me?

I thought this would get easier as time went on.
It didn't.
It got a lot harder.
Every day I fucking see you it gets harder to handle.
Is your smile fake too?

I don't know how to handle this.
I don't know at all.
I feel like crying, but there's some new found wall that's somehow blocking my tears from falling.

Do you even want me back in your life?
Maybe I made the right choice for you.


But I know now.
It was the worst choice I could have ever made for me.