I want to scream.
I want to walk outside, stand under the great blue sky, and scream until my lungs collapse.
I want the leaves on the trees to shudder at the sound of my voice, reaching out in frustration.

The pictures and posts on Facebook, the smile on your face when you're texting in class, I see it all.

And I'd be lying if I said it wasn't killing me.
I'd also be lying if I said I was happy for you.
Because I'm not... sorry I'm such a bad friend.

I'm tired of pretending this isn't hurting me and acting like everything is okay.
I guess I just don't get it.
I have been by your side since the first day I talked to you.
From the first sentence you spoke to me until this moment, I have been there for you.
But I guess that doesn't count for anything.
There were a million moments where I could have given up, but did I?
The fact that I'm sitting here typing this answers that question.
You are one of the most selfish individuals I've ever met.
And I hope you fucking read this and it gives you the "criticism" you need.
Because that's why I write this, you know...
To give you feedback on how I think our relationship is going...
It's not like I have feelings that need to be addressed or anything.

I had my wisdom teeth out. Not a huge deal, but I still expected a "Hey, are you okay?" text message.
You couldn't even do that.
We even talked about it.
You fucking KNEW I wanted that from you.
Sorry it was inconvenient for you to show concern for someone you consider a "best friend".
When you were sick, I texted you at least every other day to ask how you were doing.
And you were sick for a week.

I guess I should've expected that, considering I have to be crying and screaming in your face for you to give me the attention I deserve.
Otherwise you just crack jokes at my expense and do things to annoy me on purpose.
THAT'S going to help.

Every time I dress up, or do my hair, or look nice at all, it's for you.
But you never say anything.
I get compliments from lots of people, telling me I look nice.
Don't you understand that one compliment from you would be like getting ten thousand compliments from anyone else?
You never say anything...
If anything, you say something critical.
I hear you compliment those other girls.
Right in front of me.
Why am I different?

Which brings me to my next point:
You talk about other girls right in front of my face.
How you want to fuck them.
How hott they are.
Then you have the nerve to tell you care about me?
You're an asshole.

And this is pathetic
Because I'm sitting here crying and you're out not caring.
But I'm tired of being understanding.
"You care about the real me, not just what I choose to show"
You've said that to me before.
And you're right, I do care about the real you.
I care about you a lot.
You tell me you care about me, too.
But I don't believe it anymore.
You act like I'm such an inconvenience to you.
"I really do care about you. I just wish it wasn't so hard for you to see that."
You said that, too.
Maybe you fucking get it now.
Maybe you can fucking read this and understand why it's so hard for me to see it.
Sorry I'm not sorry.